“We are looking for a dynamic and enthusiastic team player who is confident and adaptable. Responsibilities include supporting senior leadership and taking responsibility for duties and workloads as assigned. You’ll be a member of an exciting and fast-paced team working in a challenging environment.”

YES BUT WHAT DO I DO?-u/Electronic_Rub9385

Fast-paced environment-u/llcucf80

"Rightsizing" It means they're going to fire a bunch of people and dump all that extra work on those who remain.-u/Coogles

Rockstars in "we're looking for rockstars" in a workplace that is as far removed from guitars, moshpits, and headbanging as possible.-u/PM_ME_FOODIE_SPOTS

We’re a family here-u/morphinemso4

In these unprecedented times -u/NFRNL13

“Wear many hats” Aka do your job and other people’s jobs as well-u/throwaway28236

Using “sustainability” like it is some newfound concept. Bonus points for using it incorrectly.-u/FYLBingB0ng

I will strangle the life out of the next person who says "record profits", especially when followed with "but no raises will be given".-u/Badjib

The word “pivot” and the phrase “I’m aligned with that”-u/Howdysf

“I’ll give you back (x) minutes of your day” after ending a meeting early.-u/jenksy

My office has an open-door policy…-u/Brix106

Empowerment or transparency Companies don't know what these words mean.-u/Mingismungis

The other day instead of telling me that we would see where we were at at the end of the day, my husband said we would discuss the state of play. I haven’t let him live it down since. What a weirdo.-u/coarsing_batch

“We work hard but we play hard.” You hear that, and it’s time to nope right the f*ck out of there. -u/VictorBlimpmuscle

Leveraging diversity.-u/i-need-blinker-fluid

Piggyback…as in “Great point, Fred. I’d like to piggy back on what you said with some more irrelevant information.”-u/Specialist-End6262

“In the trenches”. I find it very distasteful. I am sitting in an air-conditioned office FFS. I could not be further from the horrors of trench warfare.-u/mattimeo_

We're going through some structural changes, but you have nothing to worry about-u/advocate1552

Scalable. Using “Ask” as a noun.-u/Actuaryba

Circling back-u/rusinga_island

Synergy-u/gackarack

"Resource" as a synonym for "person"-u/ViridianKumquat

Engagement. If you pay me enough, treat me with respect, and don’t make the job worse than it has to be, I’ll be engaged. All others ways to get employees “engaged” are bs.-u/Surviving2

Girl boss. I’m a woman who has to work for a living, not a girl boss. Also not a girl. I’m an adult.-u/JillianWho